U R a StaR

Sometimes in life you meet a STAR. How does one identify who they are. They shine brighter than anything you've ever seen. They feel more than right than your perfect fitting blue jeans. The passion, between you and the star, burns hotter than you've ever known thus far. It's hard to see clear in their presence and due to that fact alone, confusion is almost always near and prone.Their brilliance often over shadows everything and eventually all that ever was burns out, in a questionable manner. Last but not least, a Star don't last in your life for long, their presence is a fleeting one and their departure is certainly unbeknown.  The Star that graced my life was unlike any other because when it was time for it to go it took my heart with it. I wasn't prepared for that. It wasn't like a thief in the night or anything because I watched My Star leave. No problem right..... Crazy thing, as I watched My Star leave there was a soft sweet almost palatable aroma that breezed by. Day began to turn to night. I began to get cold. I began to ache. It became hard for me to breathe. I could hear this faint ripping noise, that seemed to come from inside, that was getting louder in my head. Before i was even aware of what was happening, it Happened. OUCH.......Star disappeared and to my surprise my heart did to. Who Knew, I didn't..... I didn't know they were so attached. Instantly, I needed covering. I felt vulnerable, empty and yearned for some Mothering. Wow!!!.... I was literally speechless. I wanted to scream and erase that moment, hoping for a rewind or to simply disown it. I'm now left with emotions to do nothing with, no words to describe them and no place to put them.  OMG, do u get it! where my heart was is dripping. I'm just wandering, in the dark, it seems and I can only attribute it to the once well lite heart, of the Star, that I dwell in delightfully, has moved so far. It's like i'm on the cold dark side of the moon, dazed and desolated. Left with my thoughts, questions and memories of the flame that truly never faded.
Luckily, though in a state of disbelief, I can see the beauty in what I shared with My Star. Through my tears, my short moments of sadness and near over whelming desires to see My Star, I smile. There's so much to smile and feel good about. So many beautiful memories of moments that could never be again with anyone. I'm grateful that My Star chose me to share a Star experience.  I'm must remind myself not to tell too much, to just "Be Quiet". What we shared was ours to share. No regret, No anger and No judgement....... I played my part. I freely gave my heart. I was willing to go all in, accepting the rewards and consequences in the end. As for my heart, turns out it was only a piece of my heart that left with My Star.  Maybe one day My Star will journey back this way.  Since a piece of my heart is firmly attached, it should be easy for My Star to find it's way back..................... to me.

Jus Love
Michelle Madison

Decisions, Decision......

I co-host a internet radio show, The S Planet "Ms. Angel Eyes Show that we do live every Wednesday at 8pm on blog talk radio. The actual web address is www.blogtalkradio.com/thesplanet .... This weeks show is a follow up to last week show, it's a part II because we had such a interesting show and we didn't finish it. That show has got me thinking and as well as a few other things have transpired since the show about the decision. Deciding when to leave a relationship. Well Tina Turner said it best when she sang "WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WIT IT". I decided to leave my current relationship,which was polygamist, because it is the right thing to do. I'm not happy. I don't wanna have to separate but it's just the best thing for "ME" to do. I'm actually in love and love them both very much and the pain of separation is actually hurting me more than i would honestly like to say though it is. I have to make the right decision for me. As i write this blog at 4 am in the morning it is clear that i am disturb by the reality of my current situation. The tears, the heartache, the sleepless nights, the semi depressive state of mind and separation anxiety makes me wanna mend my relationship however i know with in the depths of my heart, soul and mind that i shouldn't and can't because leaving is the right thing to do for "ME". The short of it is that we have a different outlook for our relationship and no matter how long i stay in it the core of our issues won't change. So though I love them, i have to leave them for my own peace of mind. I do and will always love them. I have some wonderful memories of what was good and don't won't the possible memories of the bad times to over shadow them. Peace to my family i will never never ever forget you two. I choose to leave now and love has nothing to do with it!!!!!!! I will miss ya'll, hell i already do..

Maybe another time in our lives will be better............

Michelle Madison
JUS LOVE